My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
