Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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