you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
