peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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