my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
