Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
