Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
