I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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