Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
