I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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