i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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