hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Randomize
