I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
