I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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