can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
