Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
