craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
