I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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