the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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