plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
