We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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