nut hugger
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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