R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
