i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
