The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
