Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
