I smell stomach acid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
