member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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