He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
