i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
A+ Viking dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
