you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
