the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
