You're completely useless in the revolution.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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