Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
