If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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