I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
