True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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