she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
