Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
