why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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