is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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