your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
