Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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