I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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