shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
