its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
