Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
