Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
