Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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