I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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