I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
