Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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